I've got a chupacabra for a pet
her favourite food's the blood of cows and goats
the vilest creatures i have ever met
are power-mad reptilians who gloat

my friends come from Zeta Reticuli
their bulbous hairless heads throb when they're drunk
some years ago i made it on TV
[but faster than Lemuria I sunk!]

I live alone in woods near Rendlesham
An Eldridge replica stands in the yard
from here i talk direct to Uncle Sam
whilst men in blackened suits and shades stand guard

i run a business making tin foil hats
illuminati gangsters run the show
i also have to deal with bureaucrats
denying everything there is to know

You realise of course that it's not true
[Amelia Earhart's never been my wife]
But people seem to need belief to cling to
Even though it doesn't change their life

Who cares if flying saucers are for real
How could it make you need to switch your plans
And would it really change the way you feel
[if you're happy and you know it clap your hands]

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